My Take On Postpartum Depression/Baby Blues

Friday, August 8, 2014

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What?  I have a blog?
It's been months.  I've missed it so much, I've been so busy with the kiddos.  I feel like I never have time to get upstairs to my computer.  There's lot's I'd love to blog about.. hopefully I can fall into a better routine!

Anywho, I wanted to share my take on PPD.  I want to share it before my remembrance of it disappears again and I want another baby in a year (I really don't see myself wanting one that soon but baby fever is a dangerous thing!)  I have experience with both: Postpartum Blues and Postpartum Depression.

With Briana (my first born) I had ppd all the way up until her first birthday.  It was hell... maybe I should have gone to see my doctor to get a little help.  Actually I know now that I should have.  I remember telling my Hubs, "I don't feel like myself.  This is not me."  I was irritable, angry, had negative feelings, didn't want to go anywhere, difficulty concentrating (still do at times.)  Actually, looking at the picture above I may have had a mix of ppd and postpartum psychosis.  Scary.

With Lilyana (my now 4 month old little fatty) I had postpartum blues for the first week and a half.  I cried on and off for DAAAYS!  Anything and everything made me cry... the first night we came home, the Hubs found me inside the baby's closet sobbing. I was a wreck but Steve was so awesome.  My mom and mother in law were also very good at checking in on me.  He took care of me very well those first couple of weeks.  All of a sudden, those baby blues disappeared into thin air and a weight was lifted.   I felt fine again (Thank GOD, I was worried HAHA)

My Tips on How to Cope:

Share your feelings with your husband/significant other.  I will not stress enough on how important this is.  He needs to know so he can help you emotionally and physically.  If you don't have a significant other, find someone that you trust so you don't feel alone.  Find a mom group or chat with other mom's in baby forums.  My favorite baby forum is babycenter.  Anytime I need a question answered, I can find it on that website... my little miracle.

Try to shower everyday/every other day.  I know.  It's hard at first, but DO IT.  It'll make you feel human again.  I always feel much better after taking care of myself.

Rest!  Even if it's just closing your eyes, reading your Kindle or taking a bath.. rest as much as you can.  Everyone tells you to sleep when baby sleeps right?  Well, that's crap. You'll know soon enough.  I wish it were possible!

Don't expect to be Super Momma.  Just don't.  Worry about taking care of yourself and that baby.  It's good enough.

Ask for help.  Something I've always had a hard time doing.  Let people help you!  I asked my in laws and mom & sister to take my oldest daughter for sleepovers the first week.  Let people bring you food and help clean your house... be blessed that you have people in your life that love you so much.

Get out the house!  Go out on a date with your man or out to movies with friends.  Or even just a stroll around the block with your cutie patootie.  Get outside for some normalcy.

Don't try to keep the house spotless.  You are recovering from having a baby!  Pick up if need be, but don't worry when the visitors come... they don't care about your house, they care about holding that baby.

Postpartum Progress.  Go check out this blog.  I wish I knew about this the first go round!

I hope that this helps the new momma's out there!
It always gets better in the long run.
Enjoy that baby while they're still so little.

Lilyana Rose: Her Birth Story

Sunday, May 25, 2014

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Mommy & Daddy patiently waiting (somewhat) to go into surgery

Well folks, we had our baby and I'm finally getting around to posting about it!  Lilyana Rose was born on Tuesday, March 25th at 2:22PM weighing in at 8 pounds 6 ounces and 20.5 inches long.

My first born was delivered via Emergency Cesarean due to baby being in distress and I did NOT have the best experience.  Maybe I was just in terrible pain but I felt the doctor's didn't have good bedside service... my arm was strapped down (I wanted to kill a mother fu*&^%!)  It was just messy.  
This time around I wanted to do it right.  I decided to go with a scheduled C-Section at 39 weeks and chose my favorite doctor to deliver Lily.  There was a chance of scar tissue rupturing and even though the chance was small, I didn't want to risk anything.  Just stick to what I know!

We were five days into Spring but the wacked out weather in NOVA decided to dump some snow in our area that morning.  We had to arrive at noon to check in and get me hooked up to an IV and a monitor.  My first nurse told me I was the fourth Stephanie to arrive that day and I ended up being her favorite. Of course, why wouldn't I be?  My surgery was scheduled for 1:30PM but I think the OR's were a little backed up.  I got to see my doctor beforehand, she always makes me feel good!  Walking to the OR made me a little nervous and anxious but once I walked in... everyone welcomed me, made me feel comfortable and even made me laugh with their goofy humor.  I really lucked out this time!  I couldn't have asked for better people.

The Hubs... taking selfies while waiting for me to get ready on the operating table.

Once they stuck me with the spinal I started to feel numb super quick and they layed me down immediately.  Let me just say this, I HATE the numb feeling and not being in control.  I FREAKED out when I had my first c-section.  I didn't want that to happen again.  I had a mental battle with myself and pushed through it thankfully.

My husband was finally let into the room, my doctor showed up and time started blowing by.  The drapes were dropped and everything began!  Next thing I know, I feel my body being jerked around.  I wish I knew how to explain it but just because you're numb doesn't mean you can't feel what's going on somewhat.

I remember my doctor saying how good my scar tissue looked and how we could definitely have a third baby...
COME ON LADY you haven't even taken out the second one yet!  I haven't had the chance to go through my "i'm not having another baby" phase yet.  Can't even think about that right now HAH

Next thing you know, out came baby Lily.  

To my surprise, she was pretty quiet at first and BIG!  She looked much bigger than eight pounds but I think it was from all the fluid retention.
My doctor said if I had tried natural birth they would have had to do a cesarean anyway due to her big old head.

I immediately felt calm and EXHAUSTED and just wanted to nap right there on the table.  It felt so good to know that she was finally here and healthy.  They jerked my insides around some more
(OUCH.  YEP.  That hurt later once the numbness and morphine wore off.)
Stitched me up and I was on my way to the recovery room.

... and now we have TWO of the world's most perfect, beautiful and wonderful daughters.
I feel so lucky.
Welcome to the world my beautiful Lilyana.
Mommy & Daddy love you oh so dearly!

*Book Release!* Book Review: Emma Chase (Sins of the Father) by Jen Khan

Friday, May 2, 2014

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This book is about friendship, love and deadbeat dads. It is about strength, courage and the will to survive in a world that can be unjust. 

Her life is turned upside down by the one man who should have protected her from it all. 

Emma is a survivor. Her father, who has taken off to avoid paying his debts to a well known drug dealer, has kept her down her entire life and she's learned enough from living in his world to take care of herself, because no one else will.

She finally gets her shot at love when she meets the handsome and protective Braden Holt, only to be forced to turn her back on him to protect him from her father's enemies.

Tragedy strikes and Emma has to decide if she is going to do what she always does, build up walls to shut everyone out, or pick herself up with the help of her friends and the man who loves her.

Just a little warning:
This book should be read by adults only!  18+ years and older, not kidding!
Actually, I'd also like to add only readers that can handle violence/forced encounters on women.  Everything I'm talking about is brought upon in the first chapter.. it kind of sets up the rest of the story line.  
Jen Khan doesn't hold anything back!

Emma was definitely dealt a bad hand in life.  It's bad enough she has an asshole father that she has to take care of.  He screws up his own life and puts it all on her to clean up.  He puts her through hell and she nearly dies because of his mistakes.  

From the very first chapter I was hooked!  If I didn't have life responsibilities I would have read it in one sitting.  It was quite the roller coaster ride.  

I fell in love with Emma and Braden.  I fell in love with mostly all the characters!  I hope Jen writes different character sides in the future.  I'm very much looking forward to the next book in this series.

Yes, this is a romance novel for those that aren't "into them."  BUT, there's a great story line that'll grab your attention til the end.  It's an ah.mazing book! Oh, and did I mention it's fu*#$&% HOT?!

I don't want to spoil anything for you, just go... go load it up on your Kindle NOW!

Emma Chase  (Sins of the Father, #1)

The Lovely Jen Khan...

... just so happens to be my crazy 'ol sister.

Jen currently resides in Centreville, Virginia with her fifteen year old son.
Montessori School Director by day... Momma, Author and Wine Lush (like myself, the wine part) by night!

I love you and I'm so proud of you Jenny!
Enjoy this new, fun part of your life and always remember karma is a bitch.
I can't wait to see how far you will go with your new adventure and looking forward to forcing my way onto your author tours/signings as your "Assistant".

Ultimate Blog Party 2014

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

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Ultimate Blog Party 2014

I'm really cutting it close here!  I've known about the #UBP14 for a long time coming but ever since I had my second child, blogging has been the farthest from my mind (well not really, just haven't found the time!)

Anywho, I've jumped in on this party for the last couple of years.  It's too fun to pass up.. and I've stumbled on to some blogs that I love to follow and have gained some lovely new followers along the way.
Thanks for hosting 5MinutesforMom!

I would like to make my introduction short and sweet since my little two week old love bug will probably wake up any second!

First off, thank you for stopping by.  I started my blog, The Backwards Bride in October of 2011 to document my Hubs and I's upcoming 2012 wedding.  The name describes me well:  Child first, marriage later.  

How do I describe myself?
○ Mommy of (now two!)
○ Wifey
○ Lifestyle/Mommy Blogger
○ Dining Manager at a private Country Club
○ Lover of coffee and wine (when I can have it!)
○ Runner
○ Thirty-One Consultant

I like to blog about my life, recipes and my thrifty findings.

... of course I wouldn't say Goodbye without showing off our newest addition...

After wanting another baby for so long, we finally got her!
Meet little Miss Lilyana.
The late nights and no sleep are worth (though sometimes I cry over it...)  It's all worth it.

If you're stopping by from the Blog Party, don't be a stranger!
Leave me a comment so I can stop by and check you out.

♥And then they were four♥


Saturday, March 1, 2014

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WEEK: 35... home stretch!

WEIGHT GAIN: 30-35 pounds total

STRETCH MARKS: A couple marks on my lower belly... I hope they disappear!

BELLY BUTTON: Holding strong innie

LABOR SIGNS: No contractions.  Though I did have a little scare on Sunday, just feeling sick and a little light headed.

LINEA NIGRA:  It FINALLY came a couple weeks ago!

GENDER: Another beautiful female soon to be in our household.

SLEEP: Definitely interrupted sleep with having to go to the bathroom once or twice a night.  I'm taking more naps especially when I get home from work and don't have to work the next day.

NURSERY UPDATE: It's finally coming along.  We've made space in my bedroom and moved the office in there.. Now just need to get the nursery cleaned up and get all the things out of the closet and into the addict.  Also need the Hubs to get up in the attic to find baby clothes we used for Briana. Excited!

FEELING... like poop most days but I try to keep smiling.

MATERNITY CLOTHES: Still fit and refuse to buy anything else!  I live in my moccasins.  Check out these ugly cankles!

BEST MOMENT OF THIS WEEK: Nothing yet.  But the baby shower is on Saturday!

MISS ANYTHING:  Spicy food and seeing my feet.

FOOD CRAVINGS:  Nothing unusual.

ANYTHING MAKING YOU QUEASY OR SICK: No just some pains here and there and lots of feeling uncomfortable.  

WEDDING RINGS ON OR OFF: Off and hanging on my necklace

HAPPY OR MOODY MOST OF THE TIME: In between the two HAHA! Hormones are-a raging.

LOOKING FORWARD TO: Baby girl's baby shower on Saturday and less than 30 days until we get to meet her!

Book Review: Finding Cinderella by Colleen Hoover

Monday, February 17, 2014

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I just finished reading Finding Cinderella by Colleen Hoover!

Synopsis from Goodreads:

A chance encounter in the dark leads eighteen-year-old Daniel and the girl who stumbles across him to profess their love for each other. But this love comes with conditions: they agree it will only last one hour and it will only be make-believe.

When their hour is up and the girl rushes off like Cinderella, Daniel tries to convince himself that what happened between them only seemed perfect because they were pretending it was perfect. Moments like that with girls like her don’t happen outside of fairytales.

One year and one bad relationship later, his disbelief in insta-love is stripped away the day he meets Six: a girl with a strange name and an even stranger personality. Daniel soon realizes the way he pretended to feel about Cinderella and the way he really feels about Six may not be so different after all. Especially when the two loves of his life end up being one in the same.

Unfortunately for Daniel, finding Cinderella doesn’t guarantee their happily ever after…it only further threatens it.

Oh.  My.  So in love with this book!  It was short and sweet... I could have read it in one sitting if I had the time.  Beautifully written.  I laughed, got the goosies and almost cried at one point.  Colleen Hoover made it so easy to fall in love with all of the characters.  I really hope she comes out with more to the story, because there totally could have been more and I would love to see how they end up.  

This book can be read as a standalone, but it stems off from the books Hopeless and Losing Hope.  Daniel and Six are Holder and Sky's best friends.

The ending ended great and I have no complaints!
I may have rated it four stars on Goodreads.. but I'm changing my mind to 5.


You know what else is pretty amazing about this book?
IT'S FREE... for Kindle.

Dear Younger Self..

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

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10 years ago, I was 18.  A very lost eighteen year old.  I thought I was a grown ass woman and knew it all.  I was very broken and rebellious.  My life wasn't going anywhere and at times, very dark.  My life spiraled out of control from ages fifteen to twenty-one but that's besides the point.  Ten years later, I'm not perfect but I have my shit together for the most part and I'm always a work in progress.  If I was standing next to my 18-year-old self, I would not only want to beat the crap out of her... I would want to cry and hold her.  Here are some things I would say:

○ You get better looking with age! ☺

○ Your father disowned you because he's a wacko and it's not your fault.  Get your ass up and do something with your life.

○ Time heals.  It REALLY does... i'm proof!

○ Walk away from the older people that you think are your friends, they're just a bad influence on you and you will fall into a world full of hurt.

○ SLOW DOWN.  Don't try to rush life.

○ Yep.  Drugs & Alcohol are bad especially if you're doing crazy shit before you're even twenty one!

○ You are worth it.

○ There are men out there that are worth dating... and eventually marrying. 

○ Be carefree, not careless.

○ Don't take yourself too seriously.

○ Stand up for yourself.

○ Don't drink and drive... you'll get in loads of trouble and will spend thousands of dollars that you'll never see again and will have to answer and ask permission from law makers.  NOT WORTH THE PAIN.

○This too shall pass.

○ Take loads of pictures.

○ You will live past the age of 25 even after all the crazy things you've done.

○ "I will never have kids."  Yes you will.
Believe it or not, this is one of your biggest purposes in your life.

○ He'll never change.  Don't go back to him either!  Let him go.

○ Don't base your self-worth on a man and don't make him your first priority.

○ Trust your gut.

○ People will walk in and out of your life in an instant... don't be so upset.  That's life.

○ When the going get's tough... sometimes no one is there.  It's going to hurt bad and you're going to feel so alone.. but time really does heal and you'll find better friends.  It will make you stronger.

○ Laugh.  All the time.

○ Shots make you do bad things. (Like I said, still a work in progress!)

○ You will grow a butt if you work out!

○ Your momma will always be there, be nice to her!

○ Don't let your happiness depend on another person.

○ Each new year is a gift to be enjoyed.

○ College is easier than real life.  You should have gone!

○ You will not be ready to settle down for a looong time.

○ It's not what you know that matters, it's who you know.

○ You will be able to quit smoking.  It may be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, but worth it!

○ Some families are distant and sometimes it's better to leave it like that.

○ Try new things.  Strive for something that stretches you.

○ FORGIVE.  And move on.

○ Most importantly, forgive yourself.

Mommy & Me Monday

Monday, January 27, 2014

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Mommy and Me Monday at Really, Are You Serious?
Hosted by Krystyn at Really, Are You Serious?
The babe & I had a nice and lazy mommy/daughter day today!
I plan to do these every chance I get on my day's off before the new baby comes.

B was such a lovable little lady today.  ☺
... she played well and was mommy's little helper at the store.  She didn't give me lip at all (which I've had a problem with lately!)  I'm so lucky to have a healthy growing girl.

BUMP UPDATE: 30 Weeks Pregnant- Getting Closer to the Finish Line!

Friday, January 24, 2014

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I have not been very good with my pregnancy updates... shame on me.
Well, I'm thirty weeks pregnant now!  I'm starting to slow down A LOT and don't have much motivation at work, or at home for that matter.  Baby girl is definitely getting bigger and moving a ton which causes me to feel lots of discomfort.  COME ON MARCH!
Only 9 weeks to go until we meet our second baby girl.

WEEK: 30

WEIGHT GAIN: 30 pounds! 

STRETCH MARKS:  Around where my c-section scar is... lower belly

BELLY BUTTON:  Still an innie!  It's what I call the deep dark abyss.. no way that thing is turning into an outtie.

LABOR SIGNS: Nada, nothing.

LINEA NIGRA:  For some reason it hasn't showed up this time... weird.

GENDER: Another princess ☺

SLEEP: Pretty good still!  I'm starting to get more tired again now that the third trimester is here.  My body pillow is my best friend.

NURSERY UPDATE:  The Hubs and my little lady put the crib together.  There are boxes of diapers and wipes on top of it.  We also have a changing station.  Other than that, nothing has been done... if I was home more I think I'd have more motivation!

FEELING: Pretty good.  Depends on the day... every other day I feel like poop!

MATERNITY CLOTHES:  Some of my size M's are starting to feel snug... stop growing so fast baby!

MISS ANYTHING:  Sometimes I miss my old body and how there wasn't a huge belly in the way.

FOOD CRAVINGS:  Not really.  I don't crave much right now... sometimes I have to force myself to eat.  WOMP.

ANYTHING MAKING YOU QUEASY OR SICK:  In the last couple weeks I've gone through little spells of nausea.  Hopefully it doesn't get any worse.

WEDDING RINGS ON OR OFF: Still on but some days I can't take them off because my fingers are swollen.

HAPPY OR MOODY MOST OF THE TIME:  I think happy.. though I have had some mini meltdowns lately!

LOOKING FORWARD TO:  My baby shower on March 1st!

My New Business Venture with Thirty-One Gifts

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

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I stumbled across Thirty-One Gifts a couple years ago... probably by reading a blog.
I was looking for a company that was unique.  It seems like everyone sells Avon & Mary Kay these days.  I wanted to find something different that I could make some money on the side with.  I just wanted to pass around a catalog.  Then I saw that to become a consultant, it's $99 to join and at that time it didn't appeal to me at that moment (especially since I didn't know any other consultant's in my area.)
I have continued to see Thirty-One multiple times over the last couple years and told my friend that I love their products and I would love to host a party to get FREE stuff!  A couple days after I told her this, she realized she knew someone in the area that was pretty gung ho in the business and I wanted to join right away.
SO, I joined before my first party this past Saturday and still receiving hostess credit which is really nice. ☺

Super excited obviously.  What lady wouldn't be excited to see a large bright pink box?

Briana.  Being goofy as usual... modeling with my large utility tote!

Here's a little past experience that I waned to share...

About six years ago I was working with a business group:  Quixtar
I believe in their business model, I loved the team I worked with.  I went to 3 conferences, weekly team meetings, etc.  Quixtar changed my life... made me a better person, changed my whole perspective on life and that I am important.  Because of the people I put myself around, it changed my perspective on marriage and finding the one.  Even though I phased myself out of it when I got pregnant with B, I don't regret my time spent with them whatsoever.

Still, it took up a lot of my time.  That's why I love Thirty-One: You can work at your own pace, at your own time.  In order to stay as an active consultant, all you have to do is to make sure you have $200.00 in sales (or personal volume) every three months.  It's worth a shot for me!  I'll see where it takes me and if it doesn't work out... 
I at least get to keep all the merchandise!

My new friend Michele helped me out with my first party.  She is a Director that lives in my area and has been in business for the last couple years.  I had such an awesome time!  It felt so easy and non-stressful... probably because the awesome group of ladies that attended!

They were a positive energy in the set environment and not boring whatsoever!

They even volunteered to model.

During my first party I was able to book three future parties.
That got me excited.

Check out my website and view the Spring 2014 catalog if I somehow sparked an interest in you:

If you love it a little,
place an order and join my customer facebook group.

If you love it a lot,
have a party (at home, online or a catalog party.)
You will receive hostess credit to get FREE products off your wishlist.

If you love everything about it,
join my team! ☺